To trust or not to trust

13th July 2014.

Today, I was returning home in the afternoon from market. I had to slow down to adjust my luggage which I had kept in the front of my bike. I stopped near Ramalinga pond. I saw a thin old lady walking right in the middle of the chaotic road. I was scared when I had overtaken her. I had already scolded her in my mind for her carelessness orstupidity. She came near me when I stopped my bike and asked me whichway I was going. I told the direction and asked her where she wasgoing. She told, "Venkateshwara Mandira, Gauda Sahi".  I did not know the exact way to the street she mentioned.  I told her, "I can drop you in the midway." She said, "I will remain indebted to you." Those words were too heavy for me. I just tried to stop her and told, "Ok ok, ... just sit.". I dropped her at a point where our paths diverged and she said it again, "I will remain indebted to you." I again tried to stop her from telling more such heavy sentences... I was looking at her Bindi and her smile... She seemed really happy.. She asked my name, I told so and turned my bike.  As I was riding back, I told to myself, "The world is not a bad place after all ..." I made someone's day today. I felt happy for doing so! I was explaining to myself that we have an intuition. She did not seem to be dangerous. Trusting is not so bad after all! And when I returned, I explained the whole incident to ବୋଉ (Bou-Mother). Poor me... had to listen to ten minutes of lecture for my deed.. 

I could not figure out how wrong I was in this case. I have been betrayed too, people have broken my trust, I have been back-stabbed. I have watched people's emotions getting transformed from love to hatred, or even indifference in no time. But still, I tend to trust. And the funny thing is that, the more I am betrayed, the more I want to trust. I choose to trust. I choose to have faith.

When people advise me not to be so trusting, someone inside me resists it. The resistance is very strong. I am not sure whether it is mere inertia or the voice of my conscience. I feel, that's where lies my existence. If I start not trusting, it will shake my existence. It will crumple me because it will make way for fear. It is trust that gives the courage to believe in the unknown, the strength to march out for the unexplored, to reach out for what has never been known. If trusting nature has broken me and shattered me into pieces, it is only trust that has gathered me and made me whole again ... 

I question, "What is wrong in trusting?" The world is cynical already and with every passing moment, it is becoming more and more so. Everyday, every human being is waking up with a thicker shield of mistrust around her and suffocating her soul ever more! What is wrong if I can do my bit of bringing some purity into the muddy water? What if I can become the reason for not adding an additional layer of shield to someone for at least one day? It causes harm to no one. Plus, it does not require me to go out of my way, any way ...

The invasion of ... Polythenes

A few days back, I went to my hometown. One tuesday, I accompanied my mother to Budhi Ma Thakurani (ବୁଢ଼ୀ  ମା  ଠାକୁରାଣୀ) temple. She is known as goddess or Adhisthatri Devi (ଅଧିଷ୍ଠାତ୍ରୀ ଦେବୀ) of Brahmapur. The temple is in a small and beautiful premise. In Odisha, tuesday is believed to be the day of Shakti and religious people worship different forms of Shakti on that day. So, being tuesday, there was lots of crowd in the temple. As soon as I entered the temple, I saw people stood in queues that took a zigzag form and I too joined the queue. People around me were wearing clothes of really bright, soft and cheerful colours. It was a delight to see such colours after coming from south India, where people prefer darker and sober colours in clothings... Then there were also people who wanted to take a shortcut to see Thakurani (ଠାକୁରାଣୀ) and ended up being threatened up by the police woman. She was a really rough lady pushing anyone and everyone without caring if it will hurt anyone. Although I appreciated her dutifulness, I hated her rough attitude.There was a separate shelf in the corner where people were lighting lamps. There was another corner where people were worshiping the Neem tree. The water used for worshipping the Neem tree overflew and made the floor really messy although workers were constantly wiping the floor. I felt proud for being in a culture where people worship trees, but wished people did not pour water and food items so mindlessly. There were lots of deities or Parshva devatas (ପାର୍ଶ୍ବ  ଦେବତା) on the courtyard of the temple and people were walking briskly to worship them because the floor was heated up in the summer sun. It was quite funny to watch the scene. I too did the same :). In another corner, two teenagers in temple duty were collecting the garbage and were throwing them outside. They seemed to be quite enjoying their work and seemed unaware of the crowd around them. Well, to me, all this was normal in temples... except one thing... polythene bags. There were many small transparent polythene bags floating everywhere... I was surprised and disgusted at how these things have easily entered into the premises of a temple, which is supposed to be sacred and we have to follow so many rules and restrictions before entering them... Noone, not even the purohits(ପୁରୋହିତ) had any objection to it. The shopkeepers outside the temple were giving stuff for Pooja(ପୂଜା) in polythene bags. People were taking them upto the inner shrine. Both the Poojari( ପୂଜାରୀ) and people were easily discarding them there itself without thinking anything. Agree that they are not made of any animal body part, they are clean and there is nothing technically wrong in using them in temples. But somehow, I could not accept the scene of polythenes inside temples.  It has become a norm in India that the sight of huge piles of polythenes implies we are about to enter a city. But not this! Not in temples. They are supposed to be beautiful. I do not find any logic to defend myself. But, even the scene of dirt and mud inside the temple premises was tolerable, not these polythene bags!! I felt like they were some cunning shrewd bad people who tricked everyone to make their way to enter to sacred places like temples so smoothly! I so wished to tell someone that, anything but not these polythenes! How come?!