To trust or not to trust

13th July 2014.

Today, I was returning home in the afternoon from market. I had to slow down to adjust my luggage which I had kept in the front of my bike. I stopped near Ramalinga pond. I saw a thin old lady walking right in the middle of the chaotic road. I was scared when I had overtaken her. I had already scolded her in my mind for her carelessness orstupidity. She came near me when I stopped my bike and asked me whichway I was going. I told the direction and asked her where she wasgoing. She told, "Venkateshwara Mandira, Gauda Sahi".  I did not know the exact way to the street she mentioned.  I told her, "I can drop you in the midway." She said, "I will remain indebted to you." Those words were too heavy for me. I just tried to stop her and told, "Ok ok, ... just sit.". I dropped her at a point where our paths diverged and she said it again, "I will remain indebted to you." I again tried to stop her from telling more such heavy sentences... I was looking at her Bindi and her smile... She seemed really happy.. She asked my name, I told so and turned my bike.  As I was riding back, I told to myself, "The world is not a bad place after all ..." I made someone's day today. I felt happy for doing so! I was explaining to myself that we have an intuition. She did not seem to be dangerous. Trusting is not so bad after all! And when I returned, I explained the whole incident to ବୋଉ (Bou-Mother). Poor me... had to listen to ten minutes of lecture for my deed.. 

I could not figure out how wrong I was in this case. I have been betrayed too, people have broken my trust, I have been back-stabbed. I have watched people's emotions getting transformed from love to hatred, or even indifference in no time. But still, I tend to trust. And the funny thing is that, the more I am betrayed, the more I want to trust. I choose to trust. I choose to have faith.

When people advise me not to be so trusting, someone inside me resists it. The resistance is very strong. I am not sure whether it is mere inertia or the voice of my conscience. I feel, that's where lies my existence. If I start not trusting, it will shake my existence. It will crumple me because it will make way for fear. It is trust that gives the courage to believe in the unknown, the strength to march out for the unexplored, to reach out for what has never been known. If trusting nature has broken me and shattered me into pieces, it is only trust that has gathered me and made me whole again ... 

I question, "What is wrong in trusting?" The world is cynical already and with every passing moment, it is becoming more and more so. Everyday, every human being is waking up with a thicker shield of mistrust around her and suffocating her soul ever more! What is wrong if I can do my bit of bringing some purity into the muddy water? What if I can become the reason for not adding an additional layer of shield to someone for at least one day? It causes harm to no one. Plus, it does not require me to go out of my way, any way ...

Come, sit on me! ... I dare you! x-)

Last week's snowstorm was my first experience with snowstorm ... I managed to go out of my apartment in the evening. As I returned, I decided to take a walk around my block just to experience how does it feel to be in the middle of a snowstorm. I crossed the workers shoveling the snow off the road and railway track, tractors spitting snow onto heaps, people rushing through the slippery snow, a group of students playing in the snow at the Krentzman Quadrangle... I was excited to see, touch and feel the shiny, white, puffy and light snow, gathered into heaps on the grounds and beside the roads.... They were pervasive, they got deposited anywhere they wanted to ... Look at the chairs on the streets! Until autumn, they were meant for sitting... Now they are full of white snow-cushions... cunningly inviting you to sit on them... They looked so funny... What if I just went and sat there ! :P They, indeed, were putting a dare on the passers-by and must be having a good time :)

The Mexican lady and my Woow moment

It was 18th of January, 2015. A Sunday afternoon. I joined the Urban Sketcher Boston's meetup at Prudential Tower in Boston.  It was my first time in the meetup. Although the meetup was scheduled to be from 2PM to 4PM, I decided to stay back and finish my sketch. As I was sitting and trying to finish my work in the bustling cafeteria, an old lady came to sit on the nearby table. She was flamboyantly dressed... with a copper sulphate blue colored long flowy gown, a metallic belt that was intricately designed, and a furry coat. Even with eccentric clothing of American people around, she looked little out-of-place. I took a moment to notice her and went back to my work. But that would not happen. She insisted to shift my table to make space for her cart. I did that courteously and tried to continue my sketch. Then, she came close to me and started saying something. It took me a while to know that she was not speaking English.  I tried telling her that I do not understand her by using signs. She did not appear baffled, ashamed, or confused. She was confident, unaffected by the fact that she is in a place where people do not understand her. Then she indicated that she needed my help in unbuttoning her belt, which she could not. I happily did that for her. But she would not go. She was standing there, pretty close to me by American standards, adjusting her cloth. I became nervous and told to myself, "If she does not move away in another minute, I am going to get up, pack my stuff and run!". But then she moved away, found a chair for herself and sat down. I sighed with relief...

Then a waitress came to her and talked to her for sometime. The waitress looked Mexican, so I guessed, may be this lady is from Mexico and that waitress is her daughter. As the old lady enjoyed her food, I took my time to complete my sketch. I finished my work around 5 PM and got up to pack up. Then I signalled her that I am going to leave, and asked her where is she from, and said that I can only speak English.... atleast that's what I was trying to express ... then she said lot of things, of which I could understand the word "Mexico". Then I waved my hand to say bye... She gave a big smile and blew a flying kiss for me before waving her hands again!

That... was my woow moment,  that I took with me for the rest of the evening :)