To trust or not to trust

13th July 2014.

Today, I was returning home in the afternoon from market. I had to slow down to adjust my luggage which I had kept in the front of my bike. I stopped near Ramalinga pond. I saw a thin old lady walking right in the middle of the chaotic road. I was scared when I had overtaken her. I had already scolded her in my mind for her carelessness orstupidity. She came near me when I stopped my bike and asked me whichway I was going. I told the direction and asked her where she wasgoing. She told, "Venkateshwara Mandira, Gauda Sahi".  I did not know the exact way to the street she mentioned.  I told her, "I can drop you in the midway." She said, "I will remain indebted to you." Those words were too heavy for me. I just tried to stop her and told, "Ok ok, ... just sit.". I dropped her at a point where our paths diverged and she said it again, "I will remain indebted to you." I again tried to stop her from telling more such heavy sentences... I was looking at her Bindi and her smile... She seemed really happy.. She asked my name, I told so and turned my bike.  As I was riding back, I told to myself, "The world is not a bad place after all ..." I made someone's day today. I felt happy for doing so! I was explaining to myself that we have an intuition. She did not seem to be dangerous. Trusting is not so bad after all! And when I returned, I explained the whole incident to ବୋଉ (Bou-Mother). Poor me... had to listen to ten minutes of lecture for my deed.. 

I could not figure out how wrong I was in this case. I have been betrayed too, people have broken my trust, I have been back-stabbed. I have watched people's emotions getting transformed from love to hatred, or even indifference in no time. But still, I tend to trust. And the funny thing is that, the more I am betrayed, the more I want to trust. I choose to trust. I choose to have faith.

When people advise me not to be so trusting, someone inside me resists it. The resistance is very strong. I am not sure whether it is mere inertia or the voice of my conscience. I feel, that's where lies my existence. If I start not trusting, it will shake my existence. It will crumple me because it will make way for fear. It is trust that gives the courage to believe in the unknown, the strength to march out for the unexplored, to reach out for what has never been known. If trusting nature has broken me and shattered me into pieces, it is only trust that has gathered me and made me whole again ... 

I question, "What is wrong in trusting?" The world is cynical already and with every passing moment, it is becoming more and more so. Everyday, every human being is waking up with a thicker shield of mistrust around her and suffocating her soul ever more! What is wrong if I can do my bit of bringing some purity into the muddy water? What if I can become the reason for not adding an additional layer of shield to someone for at least one day? It causes harm to no one. Plus, it does not require me to go out of my way, any way ...